Me too!
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
