were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
