My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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