Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
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