He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
pray to the hookup gods
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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