now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
