Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
