the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize