Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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