3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Randomize
