Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
