I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
