i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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