I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
