No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
