I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
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