youre lurking in front of me
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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