I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
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