Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Success! We fucked roommates!
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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