No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
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