Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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