He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
