We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
