If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I got inside last night via doggy door
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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