Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
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