I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
