shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
