I wish they made helmets for livers.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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