A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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