We named our party play list daddy issues
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
