This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
