Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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