I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
