don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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