My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize