He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
