I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Randomize
