I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
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