My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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