Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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