i think i have herpe
just one?
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Randomize
