Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
you win again, gameday.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
