I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
you will always have a special place in my vag
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
