I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
