I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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