2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
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