then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
