No, drunk sperm still make babies.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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