Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Randomize
