i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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