So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
