I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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