someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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