I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
