My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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