My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
