Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
