Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
