True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
