it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
