I am in a vortex of obligation.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
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