Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
