is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize