Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Randomize
