Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
