she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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