So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
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