Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
