Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
