im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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