I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
