Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
