if you like me you must not know who I am
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
When did angry sex become our thing?
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
