I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize