my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
