she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize